Johnny Depp

I am and always have been a fan of Johnny Depp. I had forgotten how much I like him until recently when, in two days, these three things happened:

• Some friends of ours here in town dressed their three kids in three JD characters for Halloween (Edward Scissorhands, the Mad Hatter and Jack Sparrow). It reminded me of all the great movies he's been in - and the characters he morphed into to make those movies what they are.
• While searching for a Beatles video on YouTube, a Letterman interview of JD popped up. Randomly. Its the great one where he proclaims (repeatedly) that he does not watch his own movies. That his focus is on the process and once the process of acting is over for him, what happens with the film is "none of his business."
• My Netflix account recommended to me yesterday that I add Johnny Depp movies to my que. (I did, btw. )

I admire his work ethic and how he chooses his characters...I respect how he talks about his life and his family and children. I appreciate that he doesn't live here or swim in the sewage of hollywood. And I'll admit, he's not hard to look at. He takes his work seriously and believes it to be his craft - not just a ticket to stardom. And here's one more reason to love Johnny Depp..

On October 8, 2010, Depp made an unannounced appearance at a London Primary School near where he was filming scenes for the fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean film series. He turned up dressed as his character Jack Sparrow after receiving a letter from a pupil asking for his help with a class mutiny.

So here's to Jonny Depp...and Gilbert Grape, Edward Scissorhands, Cry-Baby, Officer Tom Hanson, Sam from Benny & June, William Blake, Don Juan, Raoul Duke, Ichabod Crane, Willy Wonka, Ed Wood...

If you haven't see the episode of Inside the Actors Studio with him, you can check out part 1 here. (The other rest is avail on YouTube as well).

The Night Time...

I am always hoping that Lucy will sleep all night. It's the primary focus in our night time preparations, from playtime to bath time to feeding. Our evening schedule is structured around bed...we play, we eat rice cereal, we play some more, then bath (followed immediately by at least 15 minutes of "running man"), then pj's, bottle and bed. Sometimes it's 7:30 - sometimes it's 9. Regardless - the mission is the same - to send her to dreamland as equipped as possible (bathed, new diaper, full tummy, loads of loving and hugs) to be able to sleep all night.

At this point it's hit or miss. I have learned that there is no rhyme or reason as to why she does or does not sleep all night. Just when I THINK I've learned some tricks (something soft in her hands to fall asleep holding, blanket on lower half of her body only, etc.) *BAM* she wakes up. Sometimes it's 10 pm, sometimes it's midnight...sometimes it's 3 am. And sometimes - like last night - it was not at all.

Success!!

BUT...

When she sleeps all night I wake up...in a panic. My internal clock goes off and if we haven't heard her all night my mind races about all the bad things that might have happened ranging from SIDS to being kidnapped. A bit extreme? Yes indeed. (C'mon, moms...I'm not the only one, right?)

I rush to her room to find find her a.) there. b.) breathing and c.) sawing logs. Now here's the weird part. At that moment, when I'm standing at her side trying to make my eyes focus on her chest to confirm a normal breathing pattern, I wish she were awake. Because being that close to her and NOT touching her or holding her feels abnormal. Watching her sleep peacefully all night in her own bed means she CAN, in fact, live without me. It's her first independent act. Sometime I linger there...just in case she wakes, so that I can swoop in and comfort her and escort her back to sleep. So I can rescue her.

It's then that I realize how much I love the night time with Lucy. I love watching her stir, listening to her sweet coo's, hearing her breathe and sigh and feeling her reach out to touch my face or hold my shoulder and snuggle up against me. I love watching her. I love smelling her and I love the quiet peace in the middle of the night where I can just rock her and soak her up. I sometimes have to MAKE myself put her back in her crib and go back to bed. When I can't seem to make myself, she comes back to the big bed with me and we lay there whispering to each other until we both fall back asleep. It's magical. And I don't ever want it to go away.

What it boils down to, I suppose, is that we love to be needed. While we are wishing away the days for the next landmark event in their lives like crawling or walking or school or driving or college or marriage or grandkids...each of those landmarks means another notch on the ladder of self sufficiency for our kids. And while I want nothing more than for us to raise an independent, free thinking, self sufficient individual - deep down and very selfishly I don't ever want to let go of being the rescuer.

I'm sure tonight as I go to bed I'll hope again that Lucy sleeps all night. But really, it won't bother me one bit if she doesn't.

P.S. - Mom, if you're reading this. You may now say "I told you so." Love you!